Thursday, June 5, 2008

Soy un Perdedor

I decided to be a quitter.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is someone who gives up at the drop of a hat. Probably an attitude I developed from playing games with my brother when we were young. He was forever pestering me to play games with him and he would quit at the first signs of losing or even falling behind. It was really annoying.

I recall one time, he was begging for me to play basketball with him and I didn't want to, because I knew he'd just quit. I eventually agreed to play on the condition that he wouldn't quit and if he did, I wouldn't play any games with him again, ever. Of course, within minutes he quit, and though I was not true to my word to not play any games with him again ever, it was several months before I'd even consider it. In fact, I barely talked to him for a good portion of that time.

Of course, I am not such an extremist that I don't think people should never give up. There are times when it is better to cut your losses to save your resources for another day. I understand that, but I guess I feel that when a person decides they are going to do something, there is no point in trying if you're going to quit at the first sign of adversity. My ex-friend Larry was another person I knew who was famous for quitting, basically, everything except that which didn't matter. He claimed a number of times I did not afford him the same respect that I gave John, and though I knew he was right, I didn't recognize why at the time. It was some years after we stopped being friends that I made the connection between my distaste for quitters and my lack of proper respect towards him.

On to the point of my post, and for those who need the translation, "Soy un Perdedor" is Spanish for "I am a loser." They are the mystery words that Beck sings in his song, "Loser". Anyway, I have decided to quit trying to stay on a daytime schedule. I am wasting far too much of my energy fighting my own metabolism. I have written several times this week, but each time I have been too tired and uninspired to mount much of an effort. It is time to focus on the writing rather than my sleeping. Once I get into a groove with the writing I'll try to get back on a proper schedule.

As for my quest to be more active, I have maintained that in a minimal fashion. I was up yesterday for 23 hours. In my shifting to an active nighttime, I have lost a half day, so I guess in some sense I missed a day. I'm not too worried about it. I have walked 2-3 miles on each of my waking sessions, so that is what is most important.

Several people have asked me why I continue to fight my vampirism and as I've said here, the most important reason is to place my bets. This little branch of quitting is definitely going to make my bets a bit annoying, but it'll have to get done. I have been keeping track of baseball for a while now and it is time to start my bets. This is the one sport I am truly worried about betting into, but it needs to be done.

No comments: