Sunday, July 6, 2008

Ylang Ylang

It never ceases to amaze me the kind of nonsense businesses will do to sell their crap and yet I can't always blame them. I recently bought some dish soap. Naturally, I get what's on sale because why spend any more than I have to?. This time it was Ultra Palmolive Aroma Therapy featuring Lavender and Ylang Ylang. I didn't think much about it at the store, but now that it is sitting on my counter awaiting use and I am forced to read the ridiculous label over and over, it occurs to me, I don't even know what ylang ylang is.

Here is a link to the Wiki article on ylang ylang.

I'll give you the highlights: It is a pleasantly odious plant native to the Philippines and Indonesia. It has since been replanted to grow in Polynesia, Melanesia, and Micronesia. I can only assume this is because it is "esia" to exploit the local people as a workforce.

As hinted at by the name of the product, ylang ylang is an essential oil in aroma therapy. It is purported to relieve high blood pressure, normalize sebum secretion for skin problems, as well as being an aphrodesiac. Apparently, it is also a common ingredient to MotionEaze, a motion sickness medicine.

I have no reason to doubt that this information is correct for the wiki has been found to be (statistically) as accurate as the Encyclopedia Britannica. I have only four things to say about this wiki information:

1) Thank God, I am not going to secrete sebum all over the place! Well, at least not right after I do my dishes anyway.

2) What in aroma therapy is not essential? If our herbal specialist, who went through days and weeks of training in their lifetime, told us the truth that "Herb X" was not essential, but might almost be somewhat, kind of enjoyable in its placebo effects; would these saps runout by the drove to buy it?

3) What in aroma therapy is not an aphrodisiac? You know, I think people are just horny. It's a bilogical process. You don't need to sniff flowers to get it up or to get it off. They're called hormones. If you want to do it more often, get an injection of hormones. Just don't come crying to me when you're half way to becoming the opposite sex.

4) How is something a "common ingredient" to something with supposed medicinal value? Isn't their secret formula as sacred as the Colonel's eleven herbs spices? What? Do they allow their employees the freedom to sit back, not add the ylang ylang, and joke about how everyone's sebum is going to get out of control on the plane?

Well not this man's sebum! I don't get motion sick, so I'll be sure to do my dishes before I get on a plane.

Of course, I can't blame Palmolive for selling to these Aroma Nuts. The Colgate-Palmolive corporation is just trying to make a few bucks. As anti-big business as I am, I can't blame them this time. I blame the suburban weed sniffing nut jobs that are too self rightous and "scientific minded" to believe in Jesus Christ, but they think smelling the extract of a flower picked in xxx-esia by some little boy for four grains of rice is going to improve how in touch they are with themselves and the rest of the world.

Well let me just tell them that I am in touch with myself on a daily basis and I never needed ylang ylang to accomplish the task! If you have all that disposable income to over inundate your nostrils, why don't you just increase your self importance in the world the old fashioned way. Send that little boy a bag of rice so he can take a day off and then you can have something worth bragging about.

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