I have told people before that the one reason that I have never used cocaine, is that I know I would love it. I love that feeling that large doses of caffeine provides when you haven't had any in a couple of weeks. For some reason, that speedy feeling I get just focuses my mind and I am hyper productive. I get what martial artists call, “The Thousand Yard Stare.” This is when you focus on a point in the distance, but you are so focused on where you are and what you are doing, you can tell what is going on around you in all directions. This is what I feel like when I am doped up on caffeine. In addition the the fact that my mind is racing a million miles an hour.
I LOVE THIS FEELING!
It is my understanding that cocaine has a similar effect on people but to a much greater degree. If caffeine can get me going and it is an over the counter drug, I couldn't imagine what pharmaceutical grade amphetamines and narcotics would do for me. It is for this reason that I do not try them. I fear I would like them too much!
I mention this only because at the moment I am doped up on one of those energy drinks. They have a laundry list of chemical poisons in them that can from time to time get me going with that focus I love. Anthony said it best at the Mardi Gras party when talking to my sister, “They can be hit or miss.” I find this to be the case. If I am tired, they really don't do anything for me. They might keep me from being tired for a half hour, but I go through a sugar crash and have to take a nap rather quickly.
But days like today, they can be, in the most simplest of terms: Awesome! I went to bed at 9pm last night and slept until 5am. I did some writing, about 750 words. Listened to a podcast while doing dishes and then went grocery shopping. I came home and ate breakfast where I was then struck with a case of the sleepies and took a nap from 9:45 to 11:15. An hour later I ate lunch and washed it down with a Monster energy drink. Not being tired, I think my body only had one choice. I wrote another 600 words, giving me 1300+ for the day. Not a bad start for the week. Three hours later, I am still riding the wave of speed. The following excerpt is from an email I sent to Cullen last week:
“I am a true lazy bastard. It is sad. I remember a time when I had much more energy for living. Not that I am looking to end that current biological process, mind you, I just miss that early 20's post teen angst that always gave me infinite energy. I fear I wasted the last of it with my dissertation and now it is time to just dry up and do whatever it is that people do when they have nothing left.”
I never seemed to need Monster energy drinks back then....