I have told people before that the one reason that I have never used cocaine, is that I know I would love it. I love that feeling that large doses of caffeine provides when you haven't had any in a couple of weeks. For some reason, that speedy feeling I get just focuses my mind and I am hyper productive. I get what martial artists call, “The Thousand Yard Stare.” This is when you focus on a point in the distance, but you are so focused on where you are and what you are doing, you can tell what is going on around you in all directions. This is what I feel like when I am doped up on caffeine. In addition the the fact that my mind is racing a million miles an hour.
I LOVE THIS FEELING!
It is my understanding that cocaine has a similar effect on people but to a much greater degree. If caffeine can get me going and it is an over the counter drug, I couldn't imagine what pharmaceutical grade amphetamines and narcotics would do for me. It is for this reason that I do not try them. I fear I would like them too much!
I mention this only because at the moment I am doped up on one of those energy drinks. They have a laundry list of chemical poisons in them that can from time to time get me going with that focus I love. Anthony said it best at the Mardi Gras party when talking to my sister, “They can be hit or miss.” I find this to be the case. If I am tired, they really don't do anything for me. They might keep me from being tired for a half hour, but I go through a sugar crash and have to take a nap rather quickly.
But days like today, they can be, in the most simplest of terms: Awesome! I went to bed at 9pm last night and slept until 5am. I did some writing, about 750 words. Listened to a podcast while doing dishes and then went grocery shopping. I came home and ate breakfast where I was then struck with a case of the sleepies and took a nap from 9:45 to 11:15. An hour later I ate lunch and washed it down with a Monster energy drink. Not being tired, I think my body only had one choice. I wrote another 600 words, giving me 1300+ for the day. Not a bad start for the week. Three hours later, I am still riding the wave of speed. The following excerpt is from an email I sent to Cullen last week:
“I am a true lazy bastard. It is sad. I remember a time when I had much more energy for living. Not that I am looking to end that current biological process, mind you, I just miss that early 20's post teen angst that always gave me infinite energy. I fear I wasted the last of it with my dissertation and now it is time to just dry up and do whatever it is that people do when they have nothing left.”
I never seemed to need Monster energy drinks back then....
3 comments:
Okay, when I started to read this post, I thought you were already on to the coke. I was expecting to see something about whores in there too.
It's not time. I still have money. When I decide to go out like Chris Farley it will all be going on my credit cards.
I used to sleep 2-4 hours when I was in architecture (B of Architecture), and later when doing my masters (MS) in conservation of buildings. While doing my MS, I worked as well, and working in architecture offices is no joke. 7 days (well as I worked part time I could go to school as well), and sometimes up to 24 hours.
And when I was writing my thesis; which involved a stressful and tiring field work, and on top spending 4 months on the death bed of my grandfather, trying to make sure nothing will happen to my grandmother in the process, staying awake (sleeping with one eye open) for four months, listening to the breaths of my grandparents, making sure that noone dies during their sleeps, and that no one gets up for bathroom without my attendance, and then for 2-3 months staying with my grandmother to make sure she is OK and that she gets used to living alone- my manic problems (as in manic depressive) have started. I had too much energy. I couldn't sleep. Yet I had too much energy to be able to sit and write. no concentration. At times like that you need either to tire out your brain and body, or take some medication.
and being an expert on sleeping schemes (studying architecture in one of the most difficult faculties of the middle east, and probably Europe, I remember crying for sleeping for 4 hours instead of 2) I can tell you that energy drinks and caffeine consumes your energy and prevents you from concentrating after some time. They make me shake, and make me nervous. SO they should be used with caution because the feeling they give is fake. You can focus your body and energy on anything you want but for that you should train yourself. It is like the schaman using drugs (or tobacco) to be able to focus their energy at one point, release their soul from the restraints of the body. But you can do that without narcotics or caffeine. Being a sofi, I have managed that. It is less harmful for you brain, liver or kidneys;)
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