Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I feel as though I have been in a rut since I have come back to Las Vegas. Actually, the whole week before while I was in Albany felt similarly rut-like. And before anyone back in Albany thinks I am implying anything about them, this really is all me.

I often feel as though my life is jumping from rut to rut. Some of them are good or at least productive, like the rut I was in all summer where I didn't seem to do anything but write a whole lot. Every once in a while I'll ride a rut out to the end before skipping to a new one and I flounder looking for the next thing I'll focus on. Once I finished my thesis work was probably the worst rut I've ever had to get myself out of.

That's how I feel now. I feel as though I am in the most traditional type of rut. One where I am incapable of focusing on anything productive. I have tried to look through the math job listings a number of times. A few days ago, I did tough it out for about 6 hours and made a list of jobs to look into more closely. A good start, but it's really only just a start.

Interestingly enough, one of the top candidates is a job at Prince Mohammad Bin Fahd University located in Saudi Arabia. Tell me my subconscious is not running from something or looking for more.

I wonder which one it is?

Probably the former. This country has grown to disgust me a great deal the past 7-8 years. Perhaps while I am there, the Muslim extremists can brain wash me into being a suicide bomber against the U.S.. Oh wait, I don't believe in their religion any more than I do Christianity. Guess that rut's out. I suspect that is for the best. I still have a long way to go before I finish writing my story.

But then again, the job in Saudi Arabia is a good opportunity, so maybe that's why it piqued my interest. The listing is here in case anyone wants to see what it offers. Truth be told, I am surprised there aren't more oversees jobs listed. I only saw two and the other one was for another job in the middle east in Qatar. It doesn't matter though. Most foreign jobs would be looking for me to do more research than I am interested in pursuing so I am not seriously looking at a lot of jobs oversees.

Back to my rut...

It occurs to me that I haven't accomplished much of anything in about 5 weeks since I did very little before I left Vegas at the end of September. I haven't even done any writing and I need to get another couple of rewrites in before I apply for the Writer's in Residence grant. (A December 1st deadline.)

The grant is an interesting conundrum. Suppose by some miracle I did win the honor in addition to getting a good job offer? Which do I choose? The beginning of my teaching career, or another year (or more) of leading this atypically ridiculous minimalistic lifestyle? Worse yet, I'd have to start looking for yet another job, while I'm supposed to be blissfully writing away as the writer in residence. I suppose I am fortunate in that I won't likely have to make that choice, but it does make for an interesting dilemma.

I guess it is time I suck it up and stop being such a pathetically lazy American...

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